Today… today has been a long, long day. Normally I get up at 6:30 am pacific time and have the day’s article written and posted before I take the husband to work but we stayed up late last night playing video games and watching Smallville dvds. Yeah, I got a late start today.
Our first stop was Payless. I’ve recently decided to get a little less curvy and a little more, well, not curvy, so I wanted to pick up a pair of “running” shoes. (Note the quotations there. “Brisk Walking” shoes might be a better description or, perhaps, “lots of moaning and complaining” shoes would be the most apt.) Payless, however, mocked me. I wear a 7 1/2 normally, with a preference for wide shoes. The size 7 1/2 Champion running shoes were much, much too small and the size 8′s much much too big. It was a like a shoe vortex had opened up in the store, leaving me bereft of cheap beginner trainers. So, on a fluke I went to the Men’s section to try shoes there. I’ve never tried to buy Men’s shoes before but if they worked who was I to complain? However, even there, Payless was having none of it. Those shoes, even in size freaking SIX were too big. POUT.
Melanie also had issues. The style of shoes she liked in Ladies size 9 1/2 were a touch too tight but they had nothing cute in size 10. The saleslady didn’t even make a pretense of helping us – which, having served my time my time as a retail monkey in my teens just irks the crap out of me – so we left, both down and out and irritated. Melanie, whose used Goodwill boots were a size 9 and much, MUCH too small had been counting on buying new shoes today. I was just irritated at the poor service (while simultaneously grumpy and gleeful at having to wait another day to buy running shoes).
This, you see, is one of the problems when you’re married to a crossdresser. It’s got nothing to do with THEM, you see, it’s all about SIZES. And it’s not just shoes! American clothing manufacturers are the devil. Especially for ladies clothing. No two companies put out clothing that is the same size. No two companies even get close! And when you start considering the recent wave of vanity sizing… well, let’s just put it this way, I left the house somewhere around ten and we JUST got home around six. Melanie was limping so badly she was staggering and it’s not like she was wearing clacker heels or platforms. They were completely sensible boots… just a hair too small for all the walking we had to do today. Stupid Payless.
We visited a Salvation Army and a Goodwill, the pet store for bulk kitty litter, and wandered around a world market and a costco. That was the bulk of our shopping. Melanie picked up several cute skirts at the thrift stores but I have no idea if they’re going to fit… she still doesn’t feel comfortable going into the dressing rooms to try them on.
Part of the shopping experience is getting to know your local stores. Obviously, as a crossdresser, when you’re dressed up you feel awkward going into Nordstroms and changing in the Men’s changing area. But then again it’s not like you’re allowed in the Ladies area either. Some states have laws on the books for such situations, some don’t. But if you don’t know the laws intimately (which, since we’re originally from KANSAS and now living in CALIFORNIA, we don’t) we’ve been sort of winging it this whole time.
All I do know is that some stores couldn’t care less and others… well, the Nordstroms lady was very polite but wanted nothing to do with me once I asked what the procedure was for such a situation the last time I was in the mall.
So where does this leave you? Well, you can eyeball the clothing you buy (stretch a skirt over your hips when you’re holding it up to yourself. If the sides go past your hip bones you can usually fit into it with a little wiggling.) or you can march into the dressing room and try it on anyway, and damn anyone who protests. Or you can make the clothing yourself. Harder, more expensive in the long run if you buy quality fabric (not counting your precious time!) but you CAN tailor the clothing for your exact specifications. So you have the potential for a much more amazing outfit but there will be tons more work involved.
We use the “eyeball it” method. I’m lucky in that Melanie is a tiny thing and generally she tends to buy too big rather than too small, so all I have to do is take in some of her outfits now and again. Also, again, tiny thing, so there are a lot of never worn tops and skirts in the thrift stores that’ve been donated from major outlets for tax credit. She buys ‘em like they were candy.
Still… it would be nice if there were a third sort of dressing room or only unisex dressing rooms. You’d think that in California of all places some of the savvier stores would at least consider it. It would be nice if all the shoe and clothing manufacturers got together and said, “Hey, guys, how about we come up with a standardized measurement?” Finally, it would be nice if dirty old men stopped staring at my husband’s butt while we shop. I know that she wore a schoolgirl skirt today, people! I know she was showing a LOT of leg. I know her makeup looks nice – I taught her how to put it on in the first place. I know she passes for the most part. But even if she didn’t, for chrissakes, I’m holding her freaking HAND. We have WEDDING RINGS. Quit drooling. Yeesh. 
As for dressing rooms, a lot of stores (Old Navy I know) have no gendered changing rooms. As in one hall of rooms that both genders use.