Currently Melly is going through a purging period, which I why I haven’t been blogging lately. It’s always hard to watch this cycle – not just because you know where it’s going to go because you’ve ridden this rodeo before, not just once but over and over again, but mostly because you feel helpless.
A little angry.
More than a little sad.
And, if you’re still early on in the relationship and maybe you’re holding out some hope that he means it and THIS TIME he really won’t put that skirt on again, a little optimistic hope.
Me? No hope. Frustration? Yes. Sadness? Yes. Helplessness? Hell yes.
I don’t know what triggered this one. We haven’t been through a purge in a long, long time. Hell, every time Melly purges I usually just wait until the night before the garbage men come and then go rooting through the trash to see if I can salvage the favorites. The last time I didn’t even bother going that far, I just snagged the trash that very night, grabbed out the clothing, and threw it in the washer. When it was Summer’s Eve Douche-fresh, I folded it and stored it.
Because I knew.
I knew it wouldn’t last.
I knew she’d regret it.
Also? I believe I’ve mentioned how cheap-err, FRUGAL – we are in this house. And I’d be damned if she threw out clothing I’d MAIM to wear – adorable tops and slinky skirts and a really, really nice perky bra – just because she’s having… I don’t know… a temper tantrum?
That’s what it looks like, isn’t it?
It looks like a temper tantrum or some kind of over-the-top Teen Angstfest.
It’s not, of course. It may seem that way, but it’s not. It’s your beloved struggling with who they are. And while a lot of men have a crisis of self in their teens and again somewhere in their 40′s, ours just tick a little faster than that. Which makes sense, considering the fact that they’re juggling two people inside that one skin… the person they are to the world and the person they want the world to be able to see, but generally think/know that they can’t express.
Imagine being in those shoes. Imagine the intense love-hate of your teenage years and strip away the confidence growing up and being a self-sustaining adult gives you. That’s where they are in regards to binging and purging. They want one thing, society tells them they can’t have it, so – for a variety of reasons – they do what they think is best either out of frustration or fear or anger or even love.
If your CD is throwing away his girl clothing because he’s afraid you’ll leave if he doesn’t, I’ve got one thing to say. Stop him. Because it’s unfair to him. It really is. He’s doing it out of love and you’re going to, what? Accept that? That’s very nice on paper and in the movies – grand gestures, I mean – but they never last very long and all they do is breed resentment. Trust me on this one. No one will be happy in the long run, especially not you if you find out he threw out all his clothes five years ago and has been keeping a secret stash in the house for the last three.
He will. He’ll hate himself for it, he’ll feel guilty and terrible… but he’ll still, eventually, buy something and then he’ll hide it from you. It’s better that’s aboveboard. It’s better that you know about it, that you can deal with it, that you can learn to accept it or not, on the terms that your relationship is comfortable with.
Take it from me.
It’s better that way.